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The One - Part 4
“Incoming!” The
battle cry breaks my silent reverie and I am suddenly drenched by a tidal wave
of water. The rest of my companions
at the patio table jump to their feet shouting and laughing. I just sit and
splutter as I try to shake the haze I have been in for days.
“Nick! Can
you try to remember that you are no longer 12 years old?” AJ hollers as he
wipes his sunglasses off on the hem of his tank.
His eyes meet mine and I wonder yet again why he feels it necessary to
cover those beautiful chocolate eyes behind sunglasses morning, noon and night.
Since our first meeting almost two weeks ago, AJ and I have been bosom
buddies. He never calls me by my name, it’s always Little AJ or Peanut.
AJ says we must be twins separated at birth.
Both AJ’s, both skinny Capricorns with brown eyes.
“Getting a little slow in your old age, Peanut? You have water dripping
off your nose and you haven’t budged,” he says with a sly grin.
“Just lost in space, I guess,” I respond with a vague
smile. AJ is immediately in the
chair next to me. “You okay, babe? I
noticed you haven’t been your usual sassy self today.
We boring you all ready?”
I just continue to smile and shake my head at him.
I know I could open up to AJ, but I can’t bear to put my thoughts into
words yet. Saying things seems to
make them real and permanent. Thoughts
can be blown away like streams of smoke. The things I am thinking I need to be
saying to Kevin.
As if I have mentally conjured him up, Kevin is suddenly
behind me with his hands on my shoulders. “Trying to steal this beautiful lady
away from me, AJ?” AJ
slides his sunglasses back on his narrow face and pushes back from the table,
“If I was, you wouldn’t have a chance Richardson.” The Quick Draw McGraw
voice and the fact that he stuck his tongue out at Kevin makes us both laugh.
“Go cook our food, McLean. I don’t feel like sharing
Amanda with anyone at the moment.” Kevin’s arm slides around my waist and he
nuzzles my neck with a kiss. “You
don’t look like you are having a very good time.
Do you want to go home?”
“No. I’m
fine. Just a little distracted is
all. Kevin, the last few weeks have
been so busy that we haven’t had much time alone, much less time to really
talk. Do you think that tonight we
can spend some time alone. I just
need to be with you.”
The concern in his beautiful green eyes makes me feel
guilty for some reason. I have to
face reality though, and the reality is that Kevin is leaving in three weeks for
a lengthy world tour. There needs
to be some sort of resolution. I
can’t kiss him goodbye with a smile and the pretense that he will be returning
to me when it’s over and done with.
“Sure, baby. After
things wrap up here, I’m all yours. I know it’s been difficult to be alone
with Mom and then Jerald showing up, and rehearsals and all.
I’ve really missed waking up with you wrapped around me like a
monkey.” I feign a punch at him.
How can he make me laugh when I feel like my heart is slowly breaking?
“I completely understand the demands on you, Kevin.
The tour is very important to your future in the business.
You really need to take your career to a new level and this is the
perfect opportunity. I would never
want to come between you and your music. And
I would never want to take away from the time you need with your family.” He
tries so hard to take care of every one and to be all that they need. I don’t want to be one more obligation for him.
“How about a quick swim before AJ is done grilling?
There is plenty of time for serious conversations once we get out of
here.” Before I can answer, Kevin
is pulling me out of my chair. “You’re
all wet any way.”
I let myself get lost in the soft lap of water against my
body and the slippery feel of Kevin’s body under my arms as he tows me around
the pool. I feel weightless and
free, and I let my mind clear as I tip my face towards the sun and close my
eyes. The tug on my foot breaks my
meditation and I let out a shriek.
Nick’s blond head breaks the surface with a bubble of
laughter. “Damn! Do you have a
set of lungs! I could hear you
under water!”
I have to fight the immediate urge I have to smack the
smirk right off his face. Nick is
genuinely a nice kid, but there have been times over the last few weeks when his
youth has grated on my nerves. There
is something about him that makes me think of a great big, clumsy yellow lab
puppy.
“God, Kev. You
better hope that she never directs this look of death at you! It would make even
AJ impotent!” Nick is still
smirking at me, and I find myself beginning to smile back as his left eyebrow
arcs up toward his hairline. Nick
may aggravate me at times, but he can also snap me out of a funk in an instant.
Nick’s remark causes much laughter from everyone around
the pool, including AJ who has come over to announce that dinner is ready.
“You know, Nick. I would respond to that, but part of me is afraid that Kev
would feel the need to rearrange my face. And if you want to eat, I would
recommend that y’all get your pasty white asses out of my pool.”
With his hands on my hips, Kevin ushers me towards the
crowd gathering around the food. I grab a plate for each of us, and Kevin lets
go of me and begins to fill them both. I try to pull my plate away.
“Hey, hey, hey! I don’t want any potato salad!
I just wanted a burger and maybe some chips.”
“Darlin’. You
need to have more than a burger. You haven’t been eating much for days.
Humor me and have a little potato salad.”
Kevin gives me the stern “big brother face” I have seen him direct at
all of the guys at different times, when he feels they aren’t behaving
appropriately.
I make a variety of gagging noises.
“I hate mayonnaise. If you
can find a way to wipe it off every item on my plate, I’ll eat it.”
“Fine, I’ll eat it,” he grumbles as he scrapes it off
of my plate on to his. We
compromise, and I end up with corn on the cob and baked beans with my burger.
As we reach the end of the line, I am met by AJ, who is still wearing his
oven mitts, and amazingly can hold a beer bottle in their slippery grasp.
He nudges the bottle into my free hand and mumbles, “Something tells me
you would really enjoy one of these.”
“Bless you, child,” I respond and take a deep swallow
from the bottle. I have been
feeling wound up for days, and I’m not above using a little alcoholic beverage
to take off the edge.
Kevin escorts me over to one of the patio tables, and I
find myself sandwiched between him and Brian, Leighann,
Howie and AJ’s mom, Denise are also at our table. The conversation flows
around me as I focus on trying to eat my meal.
Kevin was right, I haven’t been eating much during the last few days.
My nerves have killed my appetite, and it has been hard trying to conceal
it from him. I feel like a naughty child as I poke at my meal, and I don’t
like the feeling.
“Are you planning on joining Kevin during the tour,
Amanda?” Denise’s question causes all heads at the table to turn to me.
“Um. No,
actually I don’t think so. I have
made some real progress with my writing, and I don’t want to interrupt the
momentum. I have a couple more weeks here in Orlando, and then I will probably
head to England for a month or so to do some final research to pull it all
together.”
“Well, maybe you can time your trip to England around the
time the boys will be there. I’m
sure Kevin would love to see you.”
“Denise, I am going to do my best to convince Amanda to
do just that.” Kevin’s large, warm hand gently squeezes my knee.
I turn to look at him, and find myself transfixed by his green eyes.
I can do nothing more than force a smile and say, “We
will just have to see.”
The rest of the afternoon passes in a haze.
The single beer I had has given me a nonchalance and numbness that is a
welcome relief from the anxiety and confusion I have been dealing with.
I help with packing up the leftovers, chat with Howie and Leighann for a
bit, and heave a sigh of relief when Kevin nuzzles my neck and whispers,
“Ready to go?”
We say our goodbyes and I hug AJ at the door.
“I don’t know what may be going on with you, Peanut, but you can call
me whenever you need me. Okay?” He will not release my hands, and bends down trying
to make eye contact with me. “Okay?”
“I promise. Thanks,
AJ,” I murmur. Kevin takes my
hand as we head down the walkway to the car.
The drive home from AJ’s passes in relative silence.
I’m really not paying attention until Kevin asks, “Want to stop for
ice cream, sweetie?” It snaps me out of my contemplation of what our
conversation this evening might bring.
“Sure. You
clearly haven’t known me long enough to know that I never pass up an
opportunity for ice cream. Vanilla
caramel fudge would really make me happy,” I respond with a small smile.
Kevin turns into the grocery store parking lot and finds a
space near the entrance. I am out of his 4Runner before he can come open my
door.
“Get out of the way, people. The woman wants some ice cream!” Kevin chuckles as he takes
my hand. I feign a punch, which
makes him laugh harder.
“What are the odds that we can get in and out without
notice?”
“We will just have to be quick and look inconspicuous.”
Kevin pulls his ball cap down low and I am amazed that he thinks a simple hat
can disguise his handsome looks.
We make it to the frozen food case, pick out a couple pints
of Ben & Jerry’s, and get to the checkout line before being detected. A
pair of teenage girls who have been scanning the covers of numerous teen
magazines suddenly notice Kevin. After whispering back and forth, the approach
us. My trepidation about being recognized is realized when they crowd up to
Kevin and squeeze me up against the counter.
“Kevin! Can you sign this for me?” One of them shoves a
magazine into his hand. They gush
over him, and even though I can understand their excitement over meeting Kevin,
I find myself getting anxious and impatient over the situation.
I am sure I will have a mark on my hip where the edge of the counter is
digging into it.
Kevin seems completely unaware of my predicament as he
graciously signs their magazines and fields their questions.
I try to catch his eye, but both girls are considerably taller than I,
and they completely shield me from his view. I fling my hand up in the air and
wave at Kevin, trying to bring this to an end.
“Um. Ladies, I really have to get going.
My ice cream is melting.” I
feel his hand move against my back as he reaches over my head to hand the
cashier a bill. The two girls are behind us, watching every move. When Kevin
kisses my temple, their looks become venomous.
I can’t wait to get back to the car.
Kevin barely has time to collect his change before I am at
the door. The haze of alcohol has
worn off, and I am feeling offended and a little hurt by what happened.
********
********
Back at Sara’s, I am still sulking from the grocery store
incident. Kevin had to drive the
longer route home to make sure the girls were not following us.
It didn’t help my mood.
“Are you going to talk to me, or am I going to have to
pull everything out of you?” Kevin’s
eyebrow arches with his question, as he scoops out our ice cream.
“I’m sorry. I’m
sure I seem like a big baby right now, but I feel so out of sorts.
Those girls didn’t help.”
“It wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
They didn’t scream or try to grab at me.
Some really get out of hand. I’m
sorry you were uncomfortable.”
We make our way to the edge of the pool with our ice cream.
I barely take a bite before Kevin begins.
“Baby, I really don’t know how to bring this up other
than to just say it. It feels like
you are pulling away from me. We
haven’t been talking much. Do you
want to end this relationship?”
I am so torn between the feeling that I should let it end
and just walk away, and just wanting to be near Kevin before he is gone.
I force myself to meet his eyes. “I
don’t want this to end, Kevin, but I don’t see how it can begin to develop
into something stronger. Can it even survive the tour?”
Kevin glances away and clears his throat.
“It won’t be easy. Don’t you want to try?
“Isn’t it going to take more than trying?
You are going to be so busy…” I can’t continue with what I want to
say. I cannot voice the thought
that there will be many girls on the tour who will want to take my place.
There are a few moments of stillness.
My ears seem to ring with the silence. “Maybe we are expecting too much
too soon, Kevin.”
A brief flash of anger flickers in his eyes. “Clearly you
are not expecting anything if you think I am going to go on tour and forget you
and the past few weeks.”’
“Kevin, I’m sorry.
I just don’t know what to do. I
have never been in a situation like this. After Edmund, I don’t quite trust my
own judgment. I am so afraid of
making another horrible mistake. I’m afraid of being in a relationship based
completely on illusion.” I can feel the tears of frustration fill my eyes.
“Just tell me you are willing to give us more time.
Be patient. Please. I really
like being with you. I like us.
I think I could really fall in love with you.” His large, warm hands envelop mine. I squeeze them.
“I like you…us…too.
It’s scary putting myself on the line, but I will do my best.
I know this is not going to be easy.
Please be patient with me.”
We remain at the poolside until a light rain begins to
fall. Now that my anxiety is gone, I am physically spent. Kevin lifts me and carries me to bed. I could almost cry at his tenderness when he undresses me.
I fall asleep tangled against him.
********
********
The last three days of life before the tour passed in a
blur. There are final rehearsals,
chores around the house, and shopping for essentials. I found out that one needs an enormous amount of underwear
when on tour.
It was amazing to finally see the group perform.
They were all hyped up to finally get out on the road and perform for the
fans. Their excitement was
contagious, but I still had to deal with an overwhelming sadness at the loss of
Kevin in my day to day life.
I tried to make the best of it, and decided to make Kevin a
romantic candlelight dinner for his last night in Orlando.
I set the table, marinated the chicken, put potatoes in the oven, and
filled the tub for a relaxing soak.
********
********
The soothing lap of water against my skin erases all of the
thoughts that had been racing through my head.
I breathe in deeply of the steam that is scented with a mixture of
lavender and vanilla from the candles I have lit around the tub.
“Does milady need help with her bath?”
I keep my eyes closed and merely smile at Kevin’s question.
Ripples form from Kevin’s fingers running through the water.
His knuckles brush against my thigh and run down my calf.
The firm grasp of his hand on my ankle startles my eyes open wide.
“Soap?” I
point mutely to the shower gel, which Kevin squeezes into his palm.
The kneading starts at my right foot and travels up to my hip.
I open my eyes to find Kevin smiling at me.
“I can’t deny that I’m enjoying this, Kev, but I have
all ready washed. If I don’t get
out now, the potatoes will burn.”
“I like burned potatoes.
I like bathing you even better. But…I
think it will be easier without these.” Kevin pulls his shirt off as he stands
and then undoes his pants.
“Kevin. I
have to finish dinner,” I say as I attempt to avoid his grasp and step out of
the tub.
“Don’t worry about dinner.
I’m not done washing you yet. Get
back here.” He tugs me back into
the tub.
“It will be months before I get the chance to do this
again. Indulge me.” There is no
way I can resist his impish grin as he sinks into the water, and pulls me onto
his lap. He resumes lathering me up
with suds, massaging my shoulders and back.
A piercing screech breaks the silence.
“Oh God, Kevin! The
smoke detector!” I launch myself
from the tub, grab a towel and run down the stairs.
There is a fog of smoke filling the lower floor.
I pull open the oven door and a thick black cloud rolls out in a puff.
I can barely breathe as I yank out the charred potatoes and toss them
into the sink. Kevin managed to
unplug the detector and he hustles me out onto the patio. We cough and wipe at
our watery, burning eyes.
“So much for
dinner,” I comment as I toss my hands up in the air.
“It’s going to take some time to air the kitchen out.
I guess we should probably order out.
Pizza, okay?”
“Find the phone and order.
I’ll go get dressed and open some windows.”
By the time our dinner is delivered, I have changed into my
cotton pajama bottoms and tank, Kevin pulled on a pair of sweats, and we have
managed to open all of the downstairs windows and turned on every ceiling fan.
We settle down on the patio with our pizza and drinks, and chat about the tour.
“So, can I expect to see you when we get to England?
You’ve mentioned needing to do some research, and I hope you can make
it happen when the tour hits there.”
“I can’t promise that, Kevin. I will try, but there are preliminary meetings at the
publishing house. According to
Sara, they are really anxious to get the book out on the market. The more anxious they get, the more pressure on me to fall in
with their schedule. I don’t like
it and I try to fight it, but I still feel the pressure of trying to capture the
success of my last book.”
Why do I feel like Kevin in making sad puppy eyes to make
me feel bad about not being able to commit to the visit?
“I know what you mean about the pressure to do better
each time. We deal with that a lot
in the group. It is really draining
trying to please others, so we’ve found it’s best just to try to do our best
and please ourselves. If you please
yourself, you’re bound to create something others will enjoy.”
I make an effort to clean up from our dinner, but Kevin
stops me. “Sit a little longer.
It’s not going anywhere. Tell
me more about your research and about all of the places you will take me to
see.” The strong hand wrapped
around my wrist gives me no choice but to comply.
“So, that is why you want me to come to England?
Tour guide? I thought you
were just looking for sex.” Kevin responds to my remarks by splashing me with a scoop of
pool water.
“Who would have thought that such an innocent face masks
such naught thoughts! You are a
wicked woman. I think I like it!”
I get a crooked grin that sends a flood of warmth throughout my body.
“Okay, Buddy. Let’s
get this cleaned up. We can talk
while we do that.” I take our
plates and Kevin follows me with our glasses and the pizza box.
“Seriously, Baby. I
really hope we can time things right. I
would love to spend time with you in England.
You seem to love it there so much. I
want to see all of you favorite places.”
Kevin’s exuberance makes me laugh. “Kevin, you won’t have that much free time!
I will try to make our schedules work out. Can we let that be enough for
now?”
His arms wrap around my waist, and I lean back into him.
“Yeah. I’ll try to be patient.
I can’t promise that I will still be patient a few weeks from now.”
“I know. Your
mom told me all about your stubbornness, and your persistence when you set your
mind to something. I can assure you I know exactly what she was talking
about!”
While I finished loading the dishwasher and wipe down the
counters, Kevin works his way around the house to close up all of the windows.
“We are all locked up.
Ready for bed?” Kevin asks as he fills a glass with water.
“I guess. Did
you have any packing left to do?” I
find myself wanting to stall going to bed.
The morning will only seem to come sooner if we go to bed too early.
I’m struck by the realization that Kevin will be gone in a matter of
hours.
“No, just a few things to toss into my bag tomorrow.
Come on, Monkey. Let’s go to bed.” Kevin
takes my hand and leads me upstairs.
**********
**********
It is 7 a.m. now. I
lay here feigning sleep while I listen to Kevin moving around the bedroom.
I am exhausted from lack of sleep, feeling headachy and fighting the
waves of sadness. The bed dips as
Kevin sits on the edge. I feel his
fingers brush through the hair at my temple.
“Wake up, Amanda. I
have to leave in a few minutes.” I
roll onto my back and indulge in a full body stretch. “Mmm. No. Come
back to bed.”
“As tempting as that is, I can’t. The van will be here soon.
Do I get a kiss goodbye?” Kevin
leans over me and kisses me thoroughly. He tangles his hands in my hair, which
is fanned across the pillow, and he gives it a gentle tug.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“You will be too busy to miss me. Just have a good time. Make
sure you take care of yourself though.” I hope I can hold off my tears until
he is gone.
The doorbell rings, and while Kevin collects his last bag,
I pull on my robe and follow him down the stairs.
“I will call every day.
You have my cell phone number, I want you to use it.
If you need to get in touch with me, you can use the hotel listing.
Remember, I’ll be registered as…”
“I know…Jerald Wayne…I’ll call…I promise.”
Kevin pulls open the door, and piles his bags on the
sidewalk. AJ leaps out of the van
to help the driver load them on.
“Kiss that sweet lady goodbye, Kev.
We have a plane to catch.” AJ
gives me a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll
miss you, Peanut. Don’t forget
about me while I’m gone.”
I can only
laugh as he flutters his eyelashes at me. “Not a chance of that, McLean.”
Before I can say more, Kevin interrupts.
“AJ. Go away.”
“Okay, okay. I can take a hint.” AJ winks at us as he heads back to the van.
“I guess we have to make this quick, Sweetheart.
Come here and give me a kiss to remember.”
Kevin’s voice is husky, and I wonder if he is experiencing the same
feelings that I am. My throat feels
tight. I don’t think I can speak.
I grab his tee shirt by fistfuls and pull Kevin down to my
level. The first brush of our lips
is soft and gentle before we both are caught up and give into the fierce
emotions we are feeling. My head
swims.
“Ya’ll coming up for air soon? We have to go!” Brian calls from the back of the van.
I let go of Kevin and wrap my arms around my waist.
Don’t cry, Amanda, don’t cry!
“I will call tonight once we get to the hotel.
I’ll miss you.” Kevin is backing towards the van. I can’t say anything, so I just wave.
Kevin climbs into the van, and it slowly pulls out of the driveway. I watch as they drive away, and when I can no longer see the van, I turn and go inside. I pour myself a glass of juice, collect my laptop and head to the patio. Kevin is focusing on his career, it’s time for me to get back to mine. The book isn’t going to write itself.
Part 5 Coming Soon!
