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I. GASLIT
when i go insane
numb my skull with Novacaine
put chathodes in my brain
test my piss, bleed the vein
therapists and shrinks
ask my thoughts on blots of ink
their strobe lights make me blink
tell me how to feel and what to think
manipulation
interrogation
incarceration
indoctrination
analyze all my dreams
and all their disturbing scenes
dissect recurring themes
tell me what they all mean
scrutinze all my thoughts
mind's pressed down and spine is taut
estimate all my faults
was my life all for naught?
tell me to relax
treat my like a maniac
can't control these brain attacks
so dope me up on Prozac
Lyrics reprinted with permission, © 1997, Caucasian.
dawn sun breaks with my sense of rest
within this child a shrouding malaise infests
seething bile heightens a troubling unease
and disseminates its dysphoric disease
drown...drag down
drown myself to escape the ubiquitous seine
fragile neck fastened with collar and chain
heavying water painfully swelling my lungs
my shivering hands tied like my fettered tongue
drown...drag down
wicked waves collapsing down from the crest
unholy christening has left me ill blessed
immersed in this malignant baptismal piss
edge of the water leaks through a weakening fist
drown...drag down
without a sound you drown in my wake
no longer i am the one who's forsaken
harvest the burgeoned seed that you have sown
this fear has dissolved...this child has grown
shut up, shut up...drag down
Lyrics reprinted with permission, © 1997, Caucasian.
i have lost my mind again
but i’ve taken all my medicine
a tainted tincture’s bad intent
this pint of bitter insulin
take from me
breaking me
aching me
forsaking me
choking down this virulence
demon spirits melt and blend
beneath this floor i will descend
it’s something you can’t comprehend
i’m forced to fear the consequence
of this burgeoning decadence
and your facing my belligerence
and my raping of your innocence
cursing me
versus me
worsening
immersing me
i miss the voice that was in my head
and all the things that it had said
now all my thoughts now twist and bend
please help me find my only friend
this tattered mind’s been left in shreds
from weathering these elements
i feel my senses slowly rend
i lay deaf, dumb, blind, and half-dead
and now these words won’t make much sense
wrote in past imperfect tense
around cold glass callous fingers clench
delirious tremors are my penance
my sanity hangs from this thread
these mental tears somehow must mend
if i’m to be myself again:
freezing cold, and near the end...
Lyrics reprinted with permission, © 1997, Caucasian.
think their thoughts, speak their words
an identity blurred
simple assimilation
to be one with the herd
a whore to form; a slave to chic
and undistinguished flock of sheep
my mind cannot comprehend
your prostitution to this trend
surrender complexity
for a craved necessity
of cognitive impurity
and false sense of security
frightened behind the facade
a nauseating charade
a translucent disguise
will be the seed of your demise
the beating
the bleating
the bleeding
the pleading
oh god, i feel it know...
Lyrics reprinted with permission, © 1997, Caucasian.
