Sweet, sweet my honey blade...
The following text is translated from the hide first solo tour 1994 "Hide Our Psychommunity"
Tour Pamphlet...
HONEY BLADE
Maybe it's the fault of the tuxedoe I'm not used to. I'm incredibly excited.
I'm anxious to get rid of my shoes and to fall down
on my bed, I bathed in and drank so much champagene I have the feeling
the alcohol has gone even to my fingertips. I'm looking for the
switch of the lamp in the dark, the pouring light has softly  lit up the past
that's lying on the nighttable.
"I'm back!"
Slightly kissing the cut out memory. Banned into a square frame, how
you smiled at me that day a long time ago. How you embrace the
chrysanthemes, the skirt a little rumpled, a pose like you were
about to dance. That the landscape is a little blurred behind you,  is because
you just couldn't keep still. This was your 14th summer. That day
was your birthday and we had gone out for a picknick.
You wore a one piece dress, colored like the sky. I gave you this
cheap dress as a present. After you opened the box, you
embraced me, kissed me, you even cried a little. Why haven't
I made you mine that day? Why haven't I stopped time on that
day, on that day of your 14th summer...
I cut my hand when I threw this happy memory to the floor and
the glass splintered. Don't look at me like that! You have gone to a
place where I cannot reach you anymore, even if I hold out my hands.
Although you are locked away behind the broken glass, you are
still laughing at me so happily.
When you were 15 you went to the city to live in a students home of your
school and every time you came back home for holidays, the things that I
didn't know about you grew and grew.
I felt so scary, I couldn't help being scared. Surely you would
forget about me sooner or later. When I thought about this I had
the feeling I'm going mad.
"Don't worry, I'm only surrounded by other girls, I like you so
much... I like you more than anything else in the world"
With such a sweet face it was no problem for you to tell this lie.
My fear has come true, therefore, today, this farce...
You have been so incredibly beautiful today, somehow your
wedding dress resembled that one piece I gave you that day long ago.
You threw the flowers in the showering rice corns. With a
smile like never before you received the best wishes of all your guests.
But I don't think you know with what kind of memories I watched
you doing so.
Why have you called me to church? Don't you think that's cruel?
I thought you had understood.
I remember the day I saw you first time so well. You have been like
an angel, really... If I were not by your side, if I did not protect
you, you would be destroyed, that's what I felt when I saw you. Well,
that's only what I thought, there were others to protect you. I don't
want to give you to anybody. I can't stand it that you will belong
to anyone except me. Thanks to you I can do anything. I can give
you anything you wish. I know what you are thinking,
I know what you are suffering from, just by looking at you, because
I love you more than anything else in this world.
You said so yourself! We sweared to each other so many times
"I love you".
However, you chose this guy. Why not me? Why him and not me?
This guy! This guy! This guy!
I don't understand why.
There is only one way left for me, this cold clod of steel I prepared
for that day. It's easy, you just have to pull the trigger.
I don't like to see flowers in full bloom because they will start to whither soon
after. I don't want to see you whither away. I don't want to see how my little
angel becomes just an ordinary woman. I believe that every man thinks like that, he too,
this whimsical bastartd. He will strain to keep the flower in bloom, in vain, damn sure!
Ah, what a strange dark and light feeling, if I stop it now you will forever
bloom and grow inside me. I will embrace you, kiss you, like back then, as we did so
many times, so many times. Good-bye, I will leave,  when I will be reborn and meet you
again, that time I will, that time I will, I will...
You...
When I opened my eyes he looked at me with worry in his face.
"Didn't you hear a gunshot?"
"A gunshot? I was having a nightmare, I was moaning all the time I guess."
Who is this guy? Calling my name, pulling the trigger, this man...
"We have been so busy all day long, surely our imagination ran wild".
He drinks a glass of water at one gulp. The white mist inside my head is slowly drifting
away a little bit. Although I am used to nightmares my fingers won't stop trembling.
"It's always like that, whenever something changes in my life, I start to see
nightmares, as if an unseen hand tries to throttle me, terrible nightmares".
His arms hold me around the waist like the waters of the ocean. The sound of
the tide makes me feel safe.
"From today on you will never have bad drems again."
Somewhere I heard this phrase before. Though he must have chosen these words to this
effect. But it's all right that way. I wanted to marry an ordinary man, I wanted to
raise a family like any other.
My mother gave birth to me when she was just 16, after that she disappeared. Both
my parents have been much too young to become parents themselves already.
I don't want to be like my mother, it's only arrogance to want to live an
eccentric life.
An orange neon sign lights up the room ghostly. The last train departs and makes the
window frame shaking. Here in this old hotel begins our tomorrow.
"I always wanted to have just an ordinary familiy somewhere deep down in
my heart. When you come home from school your mother is there, you wash
your hands, show her your tests, she scolds you. If you come home only
a little late you father asks you if you have made your first boy-friend. Such a
family I always wanted to have."
"We can do that, it's easy".
Yes. It's easy. That man who embraces my waist now can grant me this
dream for sure. I don't need more to be happy.
However...
This guy from before... who was that? Embracing my photo and the splinters of
glass in this dark room, crying all over. I don't remember this man's face, but
me, on this photo... have I ever worn such a one piece dress? This is
what I am wondering about most of all.
When I received this dress as a present I was so happy, so happy, I even cried a little.
Because I thought that, if I had a mother, she surely would have made such a dress for me.
We had a picknick there, the two of us.
The two of us... with whom?
"Are you still feeling bad?"
Just after he asks so, the phone rings.
"Is an old bad friend of yours coming by now?"
Looking into his laughing, then changing  face as he talks on the phone, I start
to shake. Beyond the white mist in my head I can clearly see how the man pulled the
trigger, fell onto his bed.
Oh my God! Please don't let me have to listen to what he is going to say now. I finally understand,
I understand, I understand!
"The police just called, they say your father has just... with a gun...."
written by hide (?), translated by Iguana
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