After writing this, I have to note this is the most personal thing I have ever published
on the web, and I hope you enjoy reading my sTori as much as I did writing it.
 
    There were a lot of things that led up to my utter need for Tori Amos in my life...I hope to give you an idea of how it occurred and what it's done to me since then.  I feel that I owe so much to Tori, and I know that she may never know how much I appreciate her and how much I depend on her to get me through the days.  As you're reading this, you may know just how I feel in some of these situations...good or bad, they were learning experiences, and I'm glad I had them.
    When I first heard of Tori, I was in the 6th grade.  I had seen the "Crucify" video on, well, Beavis and Butthead, and was
a huge Hole and Nine Inch Nails fan at the time.  I remember just staring at the TV curiously, and this thought ran through my head that I was sure deep inside wasn't my own, and it was something to the likes of "this is in my future, and i'm not afraid of it."  I shook my head, wondering, "what the f*** was that?"  Tori wasn't the type of music I primarily listened to, and credited it to the late hour.
    I hadn't thought of Tori for a few weeks, and then I yet again saw her.  She was in an article in Entertainment Weekly that
caught my eye.  I heard a few Tori songs every now and then on 120 Minutes or on the radio, but pretty rarely.  After a bit of
time, I bought Under The Pink..which was an amazing turning point in my life.  I remember lying on my bedroom floor crying,
amazed/shocked that someone actually felt the same way I did, exactly.  I was shaking and sobbing for almost an hour.  I was
predictably hooked ever since..Tori has helped me through so much.  When I was in the 8th grade, I was suffering from depression, and refused to believe it.  From November until August or so of '96-'97, I was like a shell of a human being.  I slept until noon every time possible, was completely hostile to my mother, got in fights in school, and shoplifted.  Every time my mom said something to me, I would snap at her, and refused to let anyone in...let them know how I was feeling.  I listened to Tori more than anything else, and thanks to counseling, Zoloft (prozac-like substance), and Tori...I'm back to "normal" today.  I honestly do not remember the last time I felt so good about myself.
    I used to be self-conscious about my body, and worry that I was getting fat.  I never had an eating disorder, but worried constantly that I was going to end up overweight.  My grandmother, great-aunt, and aunt are all a good deal overweight, and it's one of my nightmares.  I am 5'2" and 111 lbs., and that's very healthy.  I've always read Tori quotes in magazines, or seen her on TV, talking about how she loves to eat and if a guy doesn't like it he needs to leave...that really had a profound effect on me and still does today - she opened my eyes to something so obvious that I had completely missed before.
    Whenever I'm feeling down, I can go to Tori, in a sense.  There are always songs that I can identify with 100% and calm me down when I'm upset.  I'm going to *try* to make a long story short here.  I met a guy. He became my absolute best friend in the world. Things became more than that. But he had a girlfriend. So things were kept pretty secretive. I was completely unhappy. He and the girlfriend fought constantly. My fault? Not really. They did the same before I was around. She blamed it on me. About 6 or 7 months in, the guy and I had a giant fight. We didn't speak for 2 months. I was completely in love with him. My first love...wow. We finally began to speak again, and came out honestly about things...which was LONG overdue!! We drove around for 2 hours one nite just talking and crying. He promised me he would never let go again. But then there's the issue of where am I really with this entire situation, you know? He has her...and me. NO! That's not how things will be. So we talked about that. He cried. I cried. "Whether I'm walking to class with you and holding your hand or just smiling at you when I pass you in the hall, I love you..." he says. OK. That's no good. I absolutely feel like I'm wasting so much waiting for him. And I was. And I am. So he went to Indiana with family for Christmas. Three days after Christmas I left with my high school band to perform at the Peach Bowl. I wrote him a letter, made him a tape (what we were doing for each other for Christmas), and left. Returned home. He knew I'd been home for days. Have I heard from him? Nope. Not even an e-mail to acknowledge my presence. OUCH! So at this point, Miss Kristy is completely forfeiting the game...and, well, Tori has kept me going through all of this. I've just finally realized that there are so many other wonderful guys that I haven't given the slightest chance because I've been waiting around for him. So I'm moving on...finally...and Tori's there...she's always there! I would have never made it through this far if it weren't for Pele.
    Tori shows me things in myself I've never seen before, things that I never knew were there.  That's irreplaceable, and it turns me upside down every time.  I realize things about how I feel about people, what I should do to handle certain situations, if I should ignore something or deal with the problem...and Tori tells me that I can make it...that I can overcome anything.  She's the most positive influence I've ever had in my life, and every now and then I'll find things in songs I never thought of before, that will floor me yet again.  I feel like Tori is such a gift to me....no, wait...I know she is, absolutely.  There's no one like her in my life, and when I met her, it was the most amazing, humbling, exciting, emotional, beautiful, magical thing I have ever experienced.  There's something just so magical about Tori...it's like she has this astounding energy around her that makes you feel like you're loved...and you belong.  When I went to my first Tori show on August 6, 1998, I have never felt so comfortable and at home than I did with the EWF I met there...it was so exhilerating!!!  There were all of these people just like me, who knows how I feel, understood me...wow.  *huggles to Elyse, Adam, Kelly, William, Katie, Lisa, Tucker, Kelly #2, and the multitude of amazing people whose names I can't remember which drives me insane with Elyse & Lisa* 
    Well, I suppose this is enough for now...you probably know me better than my own mother does by now...feel free to e-mail me / IM me / ICQ me any time - I would love to talk with anyone about Tori or otherwise.  :-)
Love Always,
Kristy (\o/)